I remember when we met, you were a blind date. You picked me up for my lunch break and we went to Applebee's across Grand. At lunch I watched you fidget in your seat and I thought you were the most boring guy I had ever met. Your hair was a hot mess and I didn't mind telling you I thought so. At the end of the date you told me I was beautiful. It was the first meaningful sentence you had said in an entire hour. I thanked you, lit a cigarette because I heard you hated smokers and offered to walk myself back to work. You said you'd wait for me to finish and take me back. Once back at work I told everyone what a dud you were, never saying more than 2 words at a time and not even trying for small talk. My co-workers and I laughed about me lighting a cigarette in your face and I thought I'd never hear from you again.
I never thought twice about you until two years later. I was working in a hospital laboratory and had met this really cool guy. I had a small crush on him and upon further conversation found out he had a brother named Justin. I told him I knew a Justin Spencer, wonder if it was the same guy. Travis told me about how after our blind date you got into some trouble with the law. Petty crap that landed you on probation until you assaulted your little brother and he pressed charges. You were doing 4 years in prison with chance of parole in 2 years.
Your brother and I became good friends, going out to the bar together after work and weekends, until I ended up pregnant. After I had Kolten, your brother delivered a letter from you congratulating me. After that we talked often, always about you coming home and doing over our first date. We were going to be together and be a family because I needed a good man and Kolten needed a good father. Your dad died when you guys were so young, all you wanted was to be a father.
I remember 3 nights before you were set to be released, Travis and I went out for drinks. We talked about our fears for both of us. Me not wanting to be broken hearted if things didn't work out, Travis scared you would wind up back in prison. We drank until the wee hours of the morning, crying in the parking lot over how surreal it was that you were going to finally be home, we were all finally getting second chance's together.
You went straight to a half way house when you came home. I loved sneaking you out late at night, kissing you and holding you close. Prison turned you into a tattooed and muscular hottie, I loved being seen with you. I loved that you wanted to be together and that you wanted to be a family. We talked about buying a house after you were clean for at lest a year. I demanded that you stay clean for a year before you could meet Kolten. You had to show me things would be different in your life. The night we had sex, I cried because I was scared to be falling in love with someone so like my father.
Fuck, Justin, I could kick you in your face right now! No one even knew we were getting serious, when your brother called me I froze! I was so shocked it felt like someone broke my back. I couldn't stand or sit, I collapsed on the frozen ground 2,000 miles away from you! How did this even happen? You were clean and in sober living and you had a job and a car.....Travis cried, you were more than his big brother, you were like his dad. You were the closest thing to a dad he had for 19 years.
I can't believe how god damn selfish you are! Leaving all of us, here and broken! You promised me I wouldn't raise Kolten alone, you were going to adopt him when he turned 5 because that was a good age for him to decide if he wanted you to be his dad. Justin you promised me that life was more than a broken world, you told me you were on the straight and narrow, no bull shit, no games. People don't get shot and killed at 2 o'clock in the morning in downtown Phoenix selling Bible's. What were you doing there? Travis said they caught the drug dealer who shot you up, you were sleeping with his girl, picking up drugs.
How dare you leave me like this, I wish we had never talked again, I wish you weren't a fucking liar! You promised on us, you swore things would be different for us. Drugs were never that big for you, you just always got caught, don't you remember saying those words? I do!! I wish I had never had sex with you, I wish I could take back every secret I whispered to you, every promise you made me, every breath we breathed in sync. I can't even wrap my brain around this.
