We've all seen it happen, that bratty kid in line at the store, who is getting louder by the minute. The mom seems oblivious, ignoring her louder than life munchkin, which only makes them get louder. Confession time...today, I was that mother! My son, he's full of life, always busy with questions or comments. If someone sneezes three aisle's over, he yells out "Bless you man!" people around me laugh, he eats it up and I brush it off as just my boy.
Today though, Kolten was not just my sweet and polite kid. He was the biggest nightmare child I had ever seen! If he was someone else's kid, I would have starred uncontrollably, making smart ass comments in my head. Today, I felt the horror of being THAT mom. I had returns to make before my receipts ran out of time. I had 13 items exactly that needed to be returned to Wal-Mart, four total receipts. My cashier at customer service, obviously loved her job and started in the second I hit her counter. "Isn't holiday return season over YET?!", "NO, it's not, lucky for both of us!" She didn't seem amused by me and I wasn't too fond of her either.
Kolten was into his usual climbing in and out of the cart, asking 500 questions, pointing obvious things out to complete strangers, "You have a blue shirt with McDonald's ketchup on it." I kept trying to quiet him, while dealing with my ever pleasant return associate. At some point, things took a turn for the worst. I'm not sure when it happened, but all of a sudden, I couldn't get Kolten to be quiet. I couldn't even get him to look me in the eye, he was all over the place like a wild cat in a carry cage.
I grabbed a hold of him and held on for dear life. Kolten began kicking me, screaming bloody murder, he wanted to go home and now! I looked at the cashier pleadingly to hurry along with my returns only to realize she too was watching the side show in front of her. I asked her to move it along, which only prompted her to laugh and move slower. I was getting hot, my ears felt like they were on fire and my shirt was soaked from Kolten's screaming, wide open mouth. I couldn't hit him, there were too many witness's, if I yelled Kolten would flip more. So, I stood silent, holding on to 40 pounds of dead weight, praying his tantrum would end if I just ignored it.
Twelve minutes and twenty-six seconds later, I lost it. I snatched my receipt out of the woman's hand scooped all my returns, with one arm, into the cart. I turned on my heels to realize there was a line ten people deep boiling holes into the back of my skull. My face was so red I thought it was going to blow off, Kolten was so hysterical he was hyperventilating between screams. I raced into the front restrooms where I plopped Kolten into the basket part of my cart. I stepped away from him and just starred blankly, wondering who's kid I had in my cart. As my son's screams grew louder, he began to beg me to "GET ME OUT OF THIS BATHROOM!!!!" I couldn't touch him, I knew if I touched him I would snap! I was going to end up on the five o'clock news.
People began to poke their heads into the bathroom to see what I was doing to my son, only to realize I wasn't touching him, I wasn't even touching the cart! He bucked and thrashed in the basket like a wild bull, I slowly and quietly said to him, "Calm yourself down and we will leave the bathroom." With my advice Kolten grew more ballistic, screaming louder, all the while I kept repeating the same thing. I think I was saying it more for myself than for him, I knew I could not touch him, lest I flip the fuck out. We stood in that bathroom for nine entire minutes before Kolten STOPPED cold turkey, dry eyed just stopped.
We washed his face off in the sink, he went pee in the toilet, washed his hands and we walked out hand in hand like nothing had even happened. A manager stopped me on my quick shuffle out the door to say she would have bet I was beating the hell out of him in there. When she looked, she was shocked to see me calmly standing by. I smiled and walked away without a single word. Self control is the craziest idea I've ever heard, but today, it worked. Today, I was that mother, but I did not give in to my urge to boot my child across Wal-Mart. I was proud to be a mother today!