I've officially lost my mind. I saught out Kolten's dad and he's divorced now. He has custody of both his kids and he's my personal trainer at the gym. I of course have not told him about Kolten, he asked me if the dad was involved and I said no. I told him I never told the guy, just seemed right at the time. He smiled and said he wished he had never told Kelsey and we laughed. His boy's look just like Kolten! It's almost like we were the parents of all three of them.
They all have the same hair color, skin tone, blue eyes and tall build. I've been dreaming lately of telling him, the whole truth. In my head I beg him to understand and we live happily ever after, us and our three children. In reality things would go significantly different. He would probably call me a bitch for hiding from him, he might tell me to get out of his life forever, he could even fight me for custody.
I remember the taste of him, the warmth of his skin and it's all I think about when he's training me. I'm doing the repetitions he asks of me and dreaming of what used to be and what I wish could be again. I'm having an inner struggle, to tell or not to tell. Am I doing this for the right reason's, have I lost sight of the most important thing here...my son!
Is Kolten's best interest at heart in every decision I'm making here?
He's a different man now, no drugs, no women, he's a Christian too. His life is that of the future man I wish to marry...I'm lost and confused and I do not want Kolten to suffer because of my lack of judgement....